So I'm far more compelled to blog since I've moved. As expected, I really don't have a problem living in DC. But I had NO IDEA how much I would miss the life I had in Kansas City. I LOVE my solitude - I could not possibly be better company (I'm entertaining has hell). But I didn't realize I'd have these feelings of actually being alone - not lonely like Cinderella in her own little corner in her own little chair where she could be whatever she wanted to be (seriously, who doesn't love Rogers and Hammerstein?); but alone on a journey to my new life. There's a feeling of loss...like I lost the life I had and had to do it to get this new one.
But today I laid my eyes on my beloved Pat Brown Dixon and EVERYTHING I missed about that life hit me right upside my head. First, she showed up making it rain with a big ole bottle of Gates BBQ sauce.....aw yeah! Then, having lunch with her and just reminiscing about that other life of mine made me smile - but also made me a little melancholy. I've been seeing the fall events on Facebook that I typically attend - particularly Harl, Sloane and Dakota's Halloween Bash (stinky ole DC Halloween) and Wings of Hope (I MUST FIND ANOTHER OCCASION TO WEAR WINGS AND A HALO!!!!!!!!!) and even the Burning Sands stepshow where the ever dramatic Jackie Jones gets irritated with me for not wanting to go and not wanting to take my check for a donation (I wonder if her sorors know she didn't want my donation). BTW, I went last year and had a blast and was very much so planning to attend this year. But dammit, I need to be able to have a choice as to whether or not I'm going....I do not take kindly to these choices being made for me (to buy an airline ticket or NOT to buy an airline ticket - THAT is the question - my wallet holds the answer)!!!
So that's where I am...it's no longer a migration. It's a quest..a ginormous quest for this new life. What will it look like? How will it act? Will it be as freaking hilarious as the other one? I know I'M still funny; but will there be as many colorful characters? Will I find another Filipino lesbian lover (not really lesbian - and not that there's anything wrong with lesbianship)? Will there be a Tiffany to do a holy dance or start a revolution on cue? Will there be another M-Lissa to teach my Chile cheer to her children over breakfast? Will there be a Tina who'll appreciate the Amish? Will there be a Chief to produce liquor like a magic trick? Will there be a Vanessa to say the N-word at JUST the right time? I sound like CAT asking all those questions. Will there be a question asking CAT?
Oh well, today I'll loosen the grip on that life so I can start to take hold of this new one. I'm sure I'll have moments when I squeeze that other one REALLY tight because it's comfortable and familiar like my grandma's robe that really needs some mending and darning or because that life was as tasty as my Kim Brown's bacon tomato tartlets. My arms are officially wide open to squeeze really really tight whatever I unearth on THE QUEST!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Today..This Day....Life As I Know It Has Changed!
So this migration to DC is humming along. The five minute rule of unpacking and organizing has maintained my sanity. Giving myself until March 31, 2011 to get the house completly organized has relieved me of any pressure I would have been putting on myself. My Saturdays are my "dates with DC" days as I engage in a delightful courtship with the DMV. Well, today was a good day. In fact, today was a transformative day. Indeed, life as I know it will never be the same. I owe it all to two people I've never met.
First, I need tires. I've been needing tires for at least 3 months. My front driver side tire has a slow leak. I've been just putting air in it every other week and humming along because I just don't have whatever it requires of me to go get it permanently fixed. A FB friend that lives here in the DC area was talking about getting tires and I was just going to read where she got them and go there. No, not lazy - resourceful. One of HER friends mentioned tirevan.com and that they deliver AND AND AND that they guarantee the lowest price. Ok, this can't be possible. Exactly what I need, at an affordable price, and RIDICULOUSLY convenient. This can't be true...it just can't. I checked the website...shut the front door and slap me six ways to Sunday - IT'S TRUE! Hallelujah, he is risen and I'm getting my tires!
Second...and this is huge. A few weeks ago someone I follow on Twitter mentioned an Amish Market in Laurel, Maryland and was singing the praises of the fresh food and these amazing prices. I'm familiar with the Amish and their products and said to myself, "I want to go to there." Well, today I did. And I had the most GLORIOUS grocery shopping experience of my 46 years, nine months and 15 days on the planet. As a PROUD Chopper Shopper (holla if you hear me) I've been really missing Price Chopper. I absolutely positively love and adore Trader Joe's and that has helped take the sting out of missing Price Chopper. Well Honeychild, I walked in that Amish market today and the birds started singing, angels were rejoicing, and Gabriel was blowing that horn at everything I saw. It was as if me, Jesus and my Daddy (who loved grocery shopping - actually it was a bit of a problem for him - couldn't come home without a bag) were strolling the aisles and pointing to goodies and giggling like school girls. I had heart palpitations as if I were at Saks 10022 Shoe Salon, everything was 75% off, I had a 20 % off total purchase coupon and EVERYTHING was my size. I really don't have the vocabulary to express the superlatives or expletives to share my sheer and utter joy at this experience. It hit me hard and cut me deep...real deep...loins deep!!!
Then I began to wonder. Why don't I know more about the Amish? I started talking to them as they were ringing up my purchases. They were REALLY nice and I think we really hit it off. I want them to be my friends. I could rock those dresses with some bad tights and a hot ankle boot or clog. I will even wear the bonnet. (I need to see if it comes in another color other than white.) Bottom line, I've found my new grocery store and can't wait to do it again and again and again. Praise God from whom all blessings, produce, poultry, and Amish flow!
First, I need tires. I've been needing tires for at least 3 months. My front driver side tire has a slow leak. I've been just putting air in it every other week and humming along because I just don't have whatever it requires of me to go get it permanently fixed. A FB friend that lives here in the DC area was talking about getting tires and I was just going to read where she got them and go there. No, not lazy - resourceful. One of HER friends mentioned tirevan.com and that they deliver AND AND AND that they guarantee the lowest price. Ok, this can't be possible. Exactly what I need, at an affordable price, and RIDICULOUSLY convenient. This can't be true...it just can't. I checked the website...shut the front door and slap me six ways to Sunday - IT'S TRUE! Hallelujah, he is risen and I'm getting my tires!
Second...and this is huge. A few weeks ago someone I follow on Twitter mentioned an Amish Market in Laurel, Maryland and was singing the praises of the fresh food and these amazing prices. I'm familiar with the Amish and their products and said to myself, "I want to go to there." Well, today I did. And I had the most GLORIOUS grocery shopping experience of my 46 years, nine months and 15 days on the planet. As a PROUD Chopper Shopper (holla if you hear me) I've been really missing Price Chopper. I absolutely positively love and adore Trader Joe's and that has helped take the sting out of missing Price Chopper. Well Honeychild, I walked in that Amish market today and the birds started singing, angels were rejoicing, and Gabriel was blowing that horn at everything I saw. It was as if me, Jesus and my Daddy (who loved grocery shopping - actually it was a bit of a problem for him - couldn't come home without a bag) were strolling the aisles and pointing to goodies and giggling like school girls. I had heart palpitations as if I were at Saks 10022 Shoe Salon, everything was 75% off, I had a 20 % off total purchase coupon and EVERYTHING was my size. I really don't have the vocabulary to express the superlatives or expletives to share my sheer and utter joy at this experience. It hit me hard and cut me deep...real deep...loins deep!!!
Then I began to wonder. Why don't I know more about the Amish? I started talking to them as they were ringing up my purchases. They were REALLY nice and I think we really hit it off. I want them to be my friends. I could rock those dresses with some bad tights and a hot ankle boot or clog. I will even wear the bonnet. (I need to see if it comes in another color other than white.) Bottom line, I've found my new grocery store and can't wait to do it again and again and again. Praise God from whom all blessings, produce, poultry, and Amish flow!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Migration 101
The biggest realization about this migration to DC is that - Moving is my KRYPTONITE! I had no idea that this was my weakness. I thought I just didn't like it. I've always told friends I don't help people move because I hate it so don't ask me. The ONLIEST person I will ever help move anything is my Mama. And even then, I'll pay somebody to do it for her. So the fact that I had to move for this job did bring on some anxiety but I figured I could handle it since movers would be coming to pack me up and would unpack me upon my arrival in DC.
Let's take a moment and roll back to 2005. I bought a house and was actually excited about it. On closing day, I'd gone to work and had lunch with a client and was excitedly headed out the door to closing. As I started the 20 minute drive, something came over me and tears started to flow. By the time I arrived at the office for the closing, I was just one level below hysterical.
Now any of you who've purchased a home know there are a LOT of papers to sign. After I signed the FIRST paper, I cried a few tears. By the time, I'd sign the last paper, I was audibly wailing...WAILING! After that, I had to go buy paint at the Home Depot. All that poor young fella did was ask me what kind of paint I wanted. I said the kind that goes on the walls and he drilled down further and asked if I wanted flat or something else...I still don't really know paint. I just looked at him and tears started to flow. I slid down the paint counter and sat on the floor of the Home Depot and cried HYSTERICALLY! That boy couldn't have been more than 22 or 23 and he came around that counter and was patting me on the shoulder telling me it would be ok.
Fast forward to Friday, September 10. I'd been in a DC hotel since September 1 so I was really looking forward to moving into the house and beginning the process of settling down. Movers arrived and started bringing things in the house and the heart palpitations began. Stuff was coming in the house fast and furious and I couldn't keep up with directing the movers around. Then the internet guy shows up and he doesn't have everything I need for my internet although I was VERY clear when I called to order my internet service. He kept asking me questions and the movers are still asking me where stuff goes. More heart palpitations and now tears. I WANT MY MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Called Mama, felt calmer hearing her voice and reassurance. Internet man leaves and Directv man shows up. Poor Directv man...I'm not even sure what he asked me. But whatever it was, it sent me into a bout of Classic KT Hysteria! I am crying so hard I can't breathe. Poor man, he comes over and starts patting my shoulder and telling me it was going to be ok (reminiscent of the poor Home Depot boy - I wonder how he's doing). He kept telling me I had to breathe or I was going to pass out and he went to the kitchen and got me some water. I'm not sure what he was saying in Spanish. I think he was saying "This is a very nice lady." I finally calmed down a bit and he started doing his work. He's upstairs working and I hear a big noise.
Directv Man: Mam, are you ok?
Me: I was just about to ask you if you're ok?
Directv Man: (I hear him walking around upstairs). Mam, I want you to come upstairs to see something but you have to promise me you're not going to cry.
Me: Ok. I promise.
One of the racks I'd had in the bedroom I was converting to my closet had fallen down and all of my clothes were on the floor. I just looked and walked back downstairs. Next thing I know another Directv man showed up. Directv 1 man had called for reinforcement!!! I think my calm had terrified him. The two of them stood in the foyer talking in Spanish and every now and then they'd look over at me. I think Directv Man 1 wanted Directv Man 2 to meet this very nice lady.
After they left, Mama called to check on me and told me to work on organizing the house for just an hour a day. The next day I started working on it and started having heart palpitations after 5 minutes so now I know my limit. Five minutes at a time. I've given myself until March, 2011 to be organized.
I will NOT ever again be in charge of moving me. In the unfortunate event, I have to move again, my mother and my sister (moving and organizing experts) will come to the house and direct movers to pack and then go to the new residence to direct the unpacking/organizing process. I will take one of my cute weekend bags and go to a hotel and come back when the home is ready for my occupancy.
Moving = Kryptonite.
Knowing that moving is my kryptonite = Stress-free living.
Let's take a moment and roll back to 2005. I bought a house and was actually excited about it. On closing day, I'd gone to work and had lunch with a client and was excitedly headed out the door to closing. As I started the 20 minute drive, something came over me and tears started to flow. By the time I arrived at the office for the closing, I was just one level below hysterical.
Now any of you who've purchased a home know there are a LOT of papers to sign. After I signed the FIRST paper, I cried a few tears. By the time, I'd sign the last paper, I was audibly wailing...WAILING! After that, I had to go buy paint at the Home Depot. All that poor young fella did was ask me what kind of paint I wanted. I said the kind that goes on the walls and he drilled down further and asked if I wanted flat or something else...I still don't really know paint. I just looked at him and tears started to flow. I slid down the paint counter and sat on the floor of the Home Depot and cried HYSTERICALLY! That boy couldn't have been more than 22 or 23 and he came around that counter and was patting me on the shoulder telling me it would be ok.
Fast forward to Friday, September 10. I'd been in a DC hotel since September 1 so I was really looking forward to moving into the house and beginning the process of settling down. Movers arrived and started bringing things in the house and the heart palpitations began. Stuff was coming in the house fast and furious and I couldn't keep up with directing the movers around. Then the internet guy shows up and he doesn't have everything I need for my internet although I was VERY clear when I called to order my internet service. He kept asking me questions and the movers are still asking me where stuff goes. More heart palpitations and now tears. I WANT MY MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Called Mama, felt calmer hearing her voice and reassurance. Internet man leaves and Directv man shows up. Poor Directv man...I'm not even sure what he asked me. But whatever it was, it sent me into a bout of Classic KT Hysteria! I am crying so hard I can't breathe. Poor man, he comes over and starts patting my shoulder and telling me it was going to be ok (reminiscent of the poor Home Depot boy - I wonder how he's doing). He kept telling me I had to breathe or I was going to pass out and he went to the kitchen and got me some water. I'm not sure what he was saying in Spanish. I think he was saying "This is a very nice lady." I finally calmed down a bit and he started doing his work. He's upstairs working and I hear a big noise.
Directv Man: Mam, are you ok?
Me: I was just about to ask you if you're ok?
Directv Man: (I hear him walking around upstairs). Mam, I want you to come upstairs to see something but you have to promise me you're not going to cry.
Me: Ok. I promise.
One of the racks I'd had in the bedroom I was converting to my closet had fallen down and all of my clothes were on the floor. I just looked and walked back downstairs. Next thing I know another Directv man showed up. Directv 1 man had called for reinforcement!!! I think my calm had terrified him. The two of them stood in the foyer talking in Spanish and every now and then they'd look over at me. I think Directv Man 1 wanted Directv Man 2 to meet this very nice lady.
After they left, Mama called to check on me and told me to work on organizing the house for just an hour a day. The next day I started working on it and started having heart palpitations after 5 minutes so now I know my limit. Five minutes at a time. I've given myself until March, 2011 to be organized.
I will NOT ever again be in charge of moving me. In the unfortunate event, I have to move again, my mother and my sister (moving and organizing experts) will come to the house and direct movers to pack and then go to the new residence to direct the unpacking/organizing process. I will take one of my cute weekend bags and go to a hotel and come back when the home is ready for my occupancy.
Moving = Kryptonite.
Knowing that moving is my kryptonite = Stress-free living.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Random Ramblings - Yet Another Reason to Lose Weight
So I'm watching 24. This chick that was kidnapped escapes with her man and he's in the driver's seat of the car and has to jump out to fight a bad guy. Well then, HE gets shot and she needs to get away. She HOPPED right over to that driver's seat and peeled out of there for her great escape. Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is "Damn, I wouldn't have been able to jump over into that driver's seat that fast!" It would have taken me soooo much maneuvering to get over there without getting out of the car and if I'd gotten out to run around I would have gotten shot, too! I will NOT allow being of generous girth to get me shot! Plus, although I plan to be cremated I sure don't want to die fat. That would just make me die dead.
I can't blame it on being big boneded (I realize that's not a word), because I'm really not. And the funny thing is I never imagined being the big girl in the group. I was always way too sexy/fine for that, yet here I sit with these generous thighs and such. I'm going to have to find girls bigger than me to be my friends. (Current girlfriends, I'm not ditching any of you. I just need to find some bigger bigguns to make me feel better until I'm back down again - love all y'all).
Fortunately, I've started the transformation and I know what to do. My morning yoga has helped my flexibility and my knee TREMENDOUSLY so movement has been much more fluid. My new running (well walking for now) shoes do make me get up in the morning. Plus I told myself I don't get to buy anything for me until I’ve walked 5 consecutive days. And doggone it, I get to three days and then I miss a day. So blast it all I've not made the 5 day commitment yet - but I haven't purchased anything (non-necessity) either. So since my new shoes excite me, I'll keep at it until I make the 5 consecutive days, then 10 consecutive days, then a whole bunch more consecutive days and before I know it, fine will be sitting on my thighs again!
So there you have it. I've exposed myself - I cannot quickly climb over that seat (I bet bucket seats would be a real mutha). It's time for some tough love. I need you to challenge me and question me and prod me. KT, did you get your walk on today? KT, did you make 5 consecutive? Vanessa would probably say something like "KT, did you get your fat a$$ out there today?" Please note that these comments should come from people who know me REALLY well - others will likely get a thorough cussing!
Shout out to Mighty Monique for giving me daily reminders on FB. Every time you command something, I do it! The other day when you said to get water, I almost busted my kneecap running out of my office (ok, not running - maybe a light jog or a speed walk) to fill my water bottle. Thanks!
I'm feeling better and better every day and I PROMISE, when I get there, I'm going to be jumping over car seats like a hooker trying to escape Five O. Fine, I'll see you in a minute.
I can't blame it on being big boneded (I realize that's not a word), because I'm really not. And the funny thing is I never imagined being the big girl in the group. I was always way too sexy/fine for that, yet here I sit with these generous thighs and such. I'm going to have to find girls bigger than me to be my friends. (Current girlfriends, I'm not ditching any of you. I just need to find some bigger bigguns to make me feel better until I'm back down again - love all y'all).
Fortunately, I've started the transformation and I know what to do. My morning yoga has helped my flexibility and my knee TREMENDOUSLY so movement has been much more fluid. My new running (well walking for now) shoes do make me get up in the morning. Plus I told myself I don't get to buy anything for me until I’ve walked 5 consecutive days. And doggone it, I get to three days and then I miss a day. So blast it all I've not made the 5 day commitment yet - but I haven't purchased anything (non-necessity) either. So since my new shoes excite me, I'll keep at it until I make the 5 consecutive days, then 10 consecutive days, then a whole bunch more consecutive days and before I know it, fine will be sitting on my thighs again!
So there you have it. I've exposed myself - I cannot quickly climb over that seat (I bet bucket seats would be a real mutha). It's time for some tough love. I need you to challenge me and question me and prod me. KT, did you get your walk on today? KT, did you make 5 consecutive? Vanessa would probably say something like "KT, did you get your fat a$$ out there today?" Please note that these comments should come from people who know me REALLY well - others will likely get a thorough cussing!
Shout out to Mighty Monique for giving me daily reminders on FB. Every time you command something, I do it! The other day when you said to get water, I almost busted my kneecap running out of my office (ok, not running - maybe a light jog or a speed walk) to fill my water bottle. Thanks!
I'm feeling better and better every day and I PROMISE, when I get there, I'm going to be jumping over car seats like a hooker trying to escape Five O. Fine, I'll see you in a minute.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Pure Dee Love - No Need to Settle!!
I'm going to have to digress even before I get started. When you think of something in its truest/purest since why do people say "pure d/pure dee" - it's pretty country but you know what I'm saying, right?
ANTYWAY....Because I travel sooo much, I get a lot of time to reflect. And an experience a few weeks ago got me to thinking about love. So let's talk about love - that pure dee kind that makes your skin dance, your tummy tingle, your eyes glimmer. Yes, all that. I was with my friend JackieJones who, if any of you know her, Pure Dee LOVES her Boo and he loves her right back the same way! They were talking (in front of me - I was NOT eavesdropping cuz I was actually kind of in the conversation) and the subject of marriage came up. And he looked at her in her eyes but it was as if he were looking into her soul and said without hesitation with the ease and grace of a man who KNOWS "Boo, I'd marry you tonite!" If you know JackieJones, she plays a real good Betty Badass but she's as soft and mushy as an over ripe peach. And when he said it, I saw her visibly inhale as if she were surprised but excited and equally ready. What's real funny is I got heart palpitations as if he were talking to me. I know he wasn't and I don't want him or nothing silly like that - I just caught up in their moment!
So it got me to thinking about THAT kind of love. I've seen many couples in my 46 years - hell, I've been a member of a couple many times throughout these 46 and have even been a married chick once. That kind of unconditional, genuine, completely accepting, non judgmental love is rare. I see couples who are there "for the children". I see couples who like each other and admittedly don't really have passion but love the companionship. I've seen the gamut - some of which make me think I'd be suicidal if I were in their shoes. I used to work with a girl whose husband worked in the same building and she would literally get nervous and giddy when he came up to the office to see her like they'd just started dating. When he would leave - it was like she was in the afterglow of being in his presence and couldn't wait to see him again when she got home! She is still like that today - and it's been more than 10 years. I won't even get started on how my Lissa LOVES the site of her man and how Monica's stories have me grinning from ear to ear for several days on end! I'm in awe of that. When I see it, it warms my heart.
Having been divorced for nearly 20 years, I've done my share of dating. And there are soooo many stories to tell about it...the man who LOVED cashews and kept tossing them in his mouth during our conversation and chewing them with his mouth open so they spewed forth toward me; then there was the judge who looked like a pimp and told me he'd turn me out; then there was the fella who couldn't say his "V's" and his favorite car was a Volvo ("Yeah Ima get one of those Bolbos one day"); and the stories go on and on.
Fortunately, I'm not looking to get married again - that's just not a necessity for me. And I certainly don't begrudge those who do want that. I don't need a legality to confirm my Pure Dee. We can both be completely euphoric and still have our own homes with keys to the other's home. I just love the utter euphoria of it and that would be more than enough for me. It extends beyond romance and sophomoric glee. During one of my Pure Dee experiences, this man quoted me 1 Corinthians 13:9-10, do you know it? (We talked about that passage being read at so many wedding ceremonies but for him - that was talking about love in a universal sense rather than a romantic couple). It says 'For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away." He explained to me, that for him that meant - what he forecasted for his partner was merely a portion of the perfection that God had sent to him in the form of ME! He had no misconception that I was perfect (I did look at him side-eyed when he said that) but he said that I was perfect and complete FOR HIM. (He went on to assure me that he was complete before we met and I was also complete - none of that you complete me non-sense. Who wants half a person?) I LOVED me some him from that point forward and you KNOW what happened after that discussion. But there I go digressing again. Unfortunately, that didn't work out - I still LOVE me some him and he claims to love him some me...but oh well. But what we had has become a kind of a measuring stick.
Really, isn't that what we all want? Pure Dee in its purest sense and the certainty that comes with it - even if it's temporary. I'm a firm believer in the better to have loved and lost theory vs. never experienced it at all. I love that I have the capacity and ability to extend the kind of love that doesn't stop loving just because it doesn't work. That's the beauty of it. Unselfish, non-judgmental love like that wants nothing but to extend itself - and is typically rewarded with reciprocity. If I was completely unaware of the power of the Pure Dee, I very well might settle for the very nice fella who's a "good man". But I would be bored to death and would probably kill him for something as simple as coming over my house and putting the toilet paper roll on the under and not the over. The murder wouldn't be a result of the toilet paper, it would be a lack of the Pure Dee and the toilet paper would just be the catalyst for his untimely demise.
As I continue to date and meet new people, I'm thrilled to have hilarious dating experiences and even steamy encounters. But if I'm ever to consider a commitment, it's gonna take all the tangibles and intangibles that speak to my soul and make me get as giddy for ME as I was for the JBoos that night. The giddy doesn't go - it remains and is maintained simply by the power of the extension and reciprocity of Pure Dee. I'm encouraged and encourage you not to settle - I'd hate to be on or see you on an episode of Snapped because you settled. You know that show will NEVER go off Oxygen - and 20 years from now, someone will see how you killed him in a fit of rage over him buying mayonnaise and not Miracle Whip (but really, it was just a lack of the Pure Dee!
NO SETTLING ALLOWED!!!!
ANTYWAY....Because I travel sooo much, I get a lot of time to reflect. And an experience a few weeks ago got me to thinking about love. So let's talk about love - that pure dee kind that makes your skin dance, your tummy tingle, your eyes glimmer. Yes, all that. I was with my friend JackieJones who, if any of you know her, Pure Dee LOVES her Boo and he loves her right back the same way! They were talking (in front of me - I was NOT eavesdropping cuz I was actually kind of in the conversation) and the subject of marriage came up. And he looked at her in her eyes but it was as if he were looking into her soul and said without hesitation with the ease and grace of a man who KNOWS "Boo, I'd marry you tonite!" If you know JackieJones, she plays a real good Betty Badass but she's as soft and mushy as an over ripe peach. And when he said it, I saw her visibly inhale as if she were surprised but excited and equally ready. What's real funny is I got heart palpitations as if he were talking to me. I know he wasn't and I don't want him or nothing silly like that - I just caught up in their moment!
So it got me to thinking about THAT kind of love. I've seen many couples in my 46 years - hell, I've been a member of a couple many times throughout these 46 and have even been a married chick once. That kind of unconditional, genuine, completely accepting, non judgmental love is rare. I see couples who are there "for the children". I see couples who like each other and admittedly don't really have passion but love the companionship. I've seen the gamut - some of which make me think I'd be suicidal if I were in their shoes. I used to work with a girl whose husband worked in the same building and she would literally get nervous and giddy when he came up to the office to see her like they'd just started dating. When he would leave - it was like she was in the afterglow of being in his presence and couldn't wait to see him again when she got home! She is still like that today - and it's been more than 10 years. I won't even get started on how my Lissa LOVES the site of her man and how Monica's stories have me grinning from ear to ear for several days on end! I'm in awe of that. When I see it, it warms my heart.
Having been divorced for nearly 20 years, I've done my share of dating. And there are soooo many stories to tell about it...the man who LOVED cashews and kept tossing them in his mouth during our conversation and chewing them with his mouth open so they spewed forth toward me; then there was the judge who looked like a pimp and told me he'd turn me out; then there was the fella who couldn't say his "V's" and his favorite car was a Volvo ("Yeah Ima get one of those Bolbos one day"); and the stories go on and on.
Fortunately, I'm not looking to get married again - that's just not a necessity for me. And I certainly don't begrudge those who do want that. I don't need a legality to confirm my Pure Dee. We can both be completely euphoric and still have our own homes with keys to the other's home. I just love the utter euphoria of it and that would be more than enough for me. It extends beyond romance and sophomoric glee. During one of my Pure Dee experiences, this man quoted me 1 Corinthians 13:9-10, do you know it? (We talked about that passage being read at so many wedding ceremonies but for him - that was talking about love in a universal sense rather than a romantic couple). It says 'For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away." He explained to me, that for him that meant - what he forecasted for his partner was merely a portion of the perfection that God had sent to him in the form of ME! He had no misconception that I was perfect (I did look at him side-eyed when he said that) but he said that I was perfect and complete FOR HIM. (He went on to assure me that he was complete before we met and I was also complete - none of that you complete me non-sense. Who wants half a person?) I LOVED me some him from that point forward and you KNOW what happened after that discussion. But there I go digressing again. Unfortunately, that didn't work out - I still LOVE me some him and he claims to love him some me...but oh well. But what we had has become a kind of a measuring stick.
Really, isn't that what we all want? Pure Dee in its purest sense and the certainty that comes with it - even if it's temporary. I'm a firm believer in the better to have loved and lost theory vs. never experienced it at all. I love that I have the capacity and ability to extend the kind of love that doesn't stop loving just because it doesn't work. That's the beauty of it. Unselfish, non-judgmental love like that wants nothing but to extend itself - and is typically rewarded with reciprocity. If I was completely unaware of the power of the Pure Dee, I very well might settle for the very nice fella who's a "good man". But I would be bored to death and would probably kill him for something as simple as coming over my house and putting the toilet paper roll on the under and not the over. The murder wouldn't be a result of the toilet paper, it would be a lack of the Pure Dee and the toilet paper would just be the catalyst for his untimely demise.
As I continue to date and meet new people, I'm thrilled to have hilarious dating experiences and even steamy encounters. But if I'm ever to consider a commitment, it's gonna take all the tangibles and intangibles that speak to my soul and make me get as giddy for ME as I was for the JBoos that night. The giddy doesn't go - it remains and is maintained simply by the power of the extension and reciprocity of Pure Dee. I'm encouraged and encourage you not to settle - I'd hate to be on or see you on an episode of Snapped because you settled. You know that show will NEVER go off Oxygen - and 20 years from now, someone will see how you killed him in a fit of rage over him buying mayonnaise and not Miracle Whip (but really, it was just a lack of the Pure Dee!
NO SETTLING ALLOWED!!!!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
So Happy Being Me
You know I'm thrilled to be me...I mean, who wouldn't be? Thrilled to be you, that is. Think about it...we were designed by God, yes GOD with our own special characteristics, quirks, idiosyncrasies and other really cool descriptive words that make us all unique! While I might want Serena's thighs (they are some of my Lord's finest work) or Beyonce's knees (have you seen her knees? they are fantastic) or Michelle's arms (will I be able to achieve that if my arms are much shorter than hers?) or Halle's boobs (she's got a great set), NONE of them have the KT-ness that God specifically designed for me. So when someone tells me they only want a specific part of me for their pleasure, I'm just effin ANNOYED and I want to tell them to kiss the meatiest part of my black a$$. But I can't say that in certain scenarios (if I want to continue to get paid) so I just smile and say "ok" or something similar.
Let me tell you about the plight of happy people...(happy peole, holla if you hear me). Here's the deal. Yes, I'm a joyful person or as my girl, Jamillah, puts it - Joy Rising. On top of that, I'm pretty damn funny. And those that get to encounter me and enjoy MY joy, come to expect it. But guess what, that's not the entirety of who I am. It's tough to live up to that expectation. So I stopped trying.
Actually, I'm rather complex. I'm joyful, contemplative, reflective, observant, silly, irritable, completely inward, often outward, and a ball of other emotions that run the gamut. I've learned that the cauldron (Olympic reference) of emotions that I am make me far more interesting. I have the absolute BEST pensive look (ask me to show it to you the next time you see me). So when people don't get "Joy Rising" from me, they wanna know what's wrong and even have the nerve to demand it. You know what? I think that's selfish. And it REALLY irritates me - so much so that I wanna smack 'em or (in the words of my dear Jackie Jones) push them down - really hard, where they scrape their knees AND their palms and get gravel stuck in the wounds. Think about that - who in the hell are you to demand someone display a particular emotion or behavior for your pleasure and entertainment???? Give me a freaking break.
The next time you uninteresting, selfish people decide you'd like to suck the life out of one of us in the happy clan or demand a particular emotion from us - kiss it and know that you have the potential to get a good cussin (at worst) or slapped (at worster). Instead - DO YOU! Figure out how to rise (not a typo) your own joy. Look inward for what you want from me. I guarantee you it won't be what you'd get from me, but you may be surprised at what you can conjure up on your own. And guess what again - you NEVER have to worry about me demanding an emotion or behavior from you because I'm way too busy living and loving the life I have.
Be happy being you - cuz I'm really really really happy being me...in fact, downright ecstatic!
Let me tell you about the plight of happy people...(happy peole, holla if you hear me). Here's the deal. Yes, I'm a joyful person or as my girl, Jamillah, puts it - Joy Rising. On top of that, I'm pretty damn funny. And those that get to encounter me and enjoy MY joy, come to expect it. But guess what, that's not the entirety of who I am. It's tough to live up to that expectation. So I stopped trying.
Actually, I'm rather complex. I'm joyful, contemplative, reflective, observant, silly, irritable, completely inward, often outward, and a ball of other emotions that run the gamut. I've learned that the cauldron (Olympic reference) of emotions that I am make me far more interesting. I have the absolute BEST pensive look (ask me to show it to you the next time you see me). So when people don't get "Joy Rising" from me, they wanna know what's wrong and even have the nerve to demand it. You know what? I think that's selfish. And it REALLY irritates me - so much so that I wanna smack 'em or (in the words of my dear Jackie Jones) push them down - really hard, where they scrape their knees AND their palms and get gravel stuck in the wounds. Think about that - who in the hell are you to demand someone display a particular emotion or behavior for your pleasure and entertainment???? Give me a freaking break.
The next time you uninteresting, selfish people decide you'd like to suck the life out of one of us in the happy clan or demand a particular emotion from us - kiss it and know that you have the potential to get a good cussin (at worst) or slapped (at worster). Instead - DO YOU! Figure out how to rise (not a typo) your own joy. Look inward for what you want from me. I guarantee you it won't be what you'd get from me, but you may be surprised at what you can conjure up on your own. And guess what again - you NEVER have to worry about me demanding an emotion or behavior from you because I'm way too busy living and loving the life I have.
Be happy being you - cuz I'm really really really happy being me...in fact, downright ecstatic!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I've Arrived!
That is - I've arrived on the planet. As of January 8, 1964 at 2:37am my mother and father experienced the greatest joy of their lives - me joining them on the planet! Yes it was even better than when my sister showed up 8 1/2 years later. She knows I'm the favorite, so this isn't news. Do you ever wonder what your parents thought when you arrived? Were they overjoyed, scared, relieved (that I was healthy until they found out later that I was crazy as hell as was established in my previous post), or any other myriad of emotions? When my daughter was born, I was just glad the PAIN was over! They were telling me she was beautiful, healthy and trying to show her to me. All I wanted to do was get more of those heated blankets and be SLEEP. I fully expected that she'd be around a long time so I could get to know her later. After I finally woke up several hours later and my husband rolled her in the room for me to meet her, this ridiculous guilt set in...I would NEVER be the mother my mother is. Oh Lord, what to do??!! I realized, she did not ask to be in the world so I had a profound responsibility to raise her right so that this world doesn't eat her up AND so that she'd be someone that people could not only tolerate but actually like...dare I say adore.
20 years later, I know her and I like her - actually, love her to death. She's pleasant, witty, respectful and absolutely delightful. So I'm going to take a moment and dust my shoulders and pat myself on the back for raising her to be that way. My mama says most of the problems in the world are because kids are not raised right...and as I encounter God in human form on a daily basis, I realize she's absolutely right!
I've been accused (actually, I've said it) of not liking kids. What I've realized is that I DON'T LIKE PARENTS! Well, I don't like the ones who don't raise their ankle biters knowing they will one day be adults - they will not be your little angel the rest of their lives - the rest of us don't see them as angels anyway (especially when they're staring down my throat in the middle of a grown-folk conversation - take your little a$$ outside somewhere and play!). And when the parents screw up, we just see them as little hellions occupying way too much space and using up our oxygen.
Those of us who got our a$$es beat when we did something wrong; were told "You bet not ask for nothing while we're in this store"; tried to throw a tantrum ONE time and only ONE time because the consequences were so grave that we dare not ever do it again; lost a tournament and did NOT get a trophy because we were NOT the winner - WE LOST; learned something from all of that. We learned that life is not fair all the time, but it all balances out. We learned that you will not win all the time; but it's ok and you move on. (BTW, I'm a much better loser than I am a winner - I've not quite got a handle on that gloating thing - sorry Mama.) We learned there are consequences and repurcussions for our actions (good and bad). In fact, I learned a BUNCH of stuff because Mama and Daddy were in the business of disciplining/teaching me and not coddling/babying me. Of course they protected me from as much as they could (I believed in Santa for a LONG time). But Mama also loved me enough to be realistic about the child she had which meant letting me bump my head. "You don't believe fat meat's greasy" is one of the things I'd hear right before or after a good head bumping. Mama even let me get married at 21 knowing full well it wasn't a good idea (I asked her after my divorce why she didn't say something and she said "Regardless of what I'd said, you're like your daddy, so you were going to do it - so I just hoped for the best"). She knows me well enough to know that I'm a little stubborn (much less so now than back then). She knows that I'm a procrastinator (which she NEVER hesitates to remind me about - I'm going to work on that later). She knows I'm never on time - which she can't comprehend because she's never late (ask her about needing to be at the train station by 6:45am for her 8am train and waking me up at 5:30am to make sure we're on time - I'm still traumatized by that). She just KNOWS me (sometimes more than I would like) and she LOVES me unconditionally - which is a phenomenal gift.
So as I celebrate this month of my birth, I thank my Mama, Bobbieteen Lavada Bruce Austin (now ask me why she LOATHES Lavada but has NOTHING to say about Bobbieteen-all one word) for doing right by me. Daddy, Maurice Snipes Austin - affectionately known as Tugga (rhymes with Sugga), had a lot to do with all my FABULOUSNESS too, so he definitely gets a shout out. They understood the basic principle that child rearing is more than a notion. There is no manual, so you have to wing it. But you can start by knowing - the kid will some day be an adult - make them so somebody will like them!
20 years later, I know her and I like her - actually, love her to death. She's pleasant, witty, respectful and absolutely delightful. So I'm going to take a moment and dust my shoulders and pat myself on the back for raising her to be that way. My mama says most of the problems in the world are because kids are not raised right...and as I encounter God in human form on a daily basis, I realize she's absolutely right!
I've been accused (actually, I've said it) of not liking kids. What I've realized is that I DON'T LIKE PARENTS! Well, I don't like the ones who don't raise their ankle biters knowing they will one day be adults - they will not be your little angel the rest of their lives - the rest of us don't see them as angels anyway (especially when they're staring down my throat in the middle of a grown-folk conversation - take your little a$$ outside somewhere and play!). And when the parents screw up, we just see them as little hellions occupying way too much space and using up our oxygen.
Those of us who got our a$$es beat when we did something wrong; were told "You bet not ask for nothing while we're in this store"; tried to throw a tantrum ONE time and only ONE time because the consequences were so grave that we dare not ever do it again; lost a tournament and did NOT get a trophy because we were NOT the winner - WE LOST; learned something from all of that. We learned that life is not fair all the time, but it all balances out. We learned that you will not win all the time; but it's ok and you move on. (BTW, I'm a much better loser than I am a winner - I've not quite got a handle on that gloating thing - sorry Mama.) We learned there are consequences and repurcussions for our actions (good and bad). In fact, I learned a BUNCH of stuff because Mama and Daddy were in the business of disciplining/teaching me and not coddling/babying me. Of course they protected me from as much as they could (I believed in Santa for a LONG time). But Mama also loved me enough to be realistic about the child she had which meant letting me bump my head. "You don't believe fat meat's greasy" is one of the things I'd hear right before or after a good head bumping. Mama even let me get married at 21 knowing full well it wasn't a good idea (I asked her after my divorce why she didn't say something and she said "Regardless of what I'd said, you're like your daddy, so you were going to do it - so I just hoped for the best"). She knows me well enough to know that I'm a little stubborn (much less so now than back then). She knows that I'm a procrastinator (which she NEVER hesitates to remind me about - I'm going to work on that later). She knows I'm never on time - which she can't comprehend because she's never late (ask her about needing to be at the train station by 6:45am for her 8am train and waking me up at 5:30am to make sure we're on time - I'm still traumatized by that). She just KNOWS me (sometimes more than I would like) and she LOVES me unconditionally - which is a phenomenal gift.
So as I celebrate this month of my birth, I thank my Mama, Bobbieteen Lavada Bruce Austin (now ask me why she LOATHES Lavada but has NOTHING to say about Bobbieteen-all one word) for doing right by me. Daddy, Maurice Snipes Austin - affectionately known as Tugga (rhymes with Sugga), had a lot to do with all my FABULOUSNESS too, so he definitely gets a shout out. They understood the basic principle that child rearing is more than a notion. There is no manual, so you have to wing it. But you can start by knowing - the kid will some day be an adult - make them so somebody will like them!
Friday, January 1, 2010
DO....DOING...DONE!!
Well, I'm finally doing it! I've been talking about what I was going to do in terms of blogging for far too long. What better time than the first day of the year to actually get it done. I'm planning on a Nike kind of 2010 where I JUST DO all the things that run around in my head. This is a big damn deal because there is quite a bit going on in this moderately sized head of mine. My dreams are ENORMOUS which means the plans the Lord has for me are GIGANORMOUS (Jeremiah 29:11/Ephesians 3:20).
So...welcome. I'm looking forward to sharing my passions - in the form of rants (there is a lot of stuff going on in THE world and MY world that are rant-worthy); my favorite favorite favorite breakfast spots (it IS the most important meal of the day, you know); the stores/boutiques/retail experiences that bring me awe-inspired joy and touch me in the deepest recesses of my soul; and websites/blogs that I think are crazy kool.
Now that I've told you what I'm gonna do - a little about me.
So...welcome. I'm looking forward to sharing my passions - in the form of rants (there is a lot of stuff going on in THE world and MY world that are rant-worthy); my favorite favorite favorite breakfast spots (it IS the most important meal of the day, you know); the stores/boutiques/retail experiences that bring me awe-inspired joy and touch me in the deepest recesses of my soul; and websites/blogs that I think are crazy kool.
Now that I've told you what I'm gonna do - a little about me.
- Once, I was trying to share something about me with a guy I'd met and I asked my friends to tell me about me. "Crazy as hell" came up a LOT! So it looks like the consensus is that I'm crazy as hell - in a funny she's so crazy I can't believe that girl said/did that way, as opposed to a stalky could be an episode of Snapped way.
- I'm not a morning person - in terms of talking/chatting, that is. (This may have something to do with the relationship I have with my Bed. Bed is very possessive and never wants me to leave him.) What's really traumatic about this is that I have an 8:00am meeting at my workjob every day. All that talking just dances on my nerves. 10:00am is a really good time for me to begin people interaction. In fact, chatty morning people DO push me to the point of becoming an episode of Snapped.
- I am a person blessed with the most extraordinary family EVER! And the wonderful friends in my life often bring me to tears...not because they've pissed me off but because I can't believe how wonderful they are. I see people who don't have great friends and I pitty them....like I wanna give them a hot pickle with a peppermint stick down the middle (don't knock it till you try it) and tell them it will be ok.
- I'm a PK so I was raised in the church and love the Lord (but I do drink and cuss a little). As I've grown, I've developed a very personal spiritual relationship with the Lord that's waaaay better to me than what I learned being in church oh so many days of my young life. As a result, I don't judge people. I am a daily benefactor of grace and mercy - so when people do stupid stuff (as I have done/will continue to do), I just shake my head and say "Bless Your Heart".
- I experience things like other people never do. These experiences have come to be known as Classic KT moments. I don't go out looking for the crazy ish that happens to me or around me but I take meticulous mental notes (sometimes written ones with pictures) so that I can share in detail with my family/friends/loved ones (or anyone with a sense of humor). And then we all get to share in those "remember when you went out with that judge who looked like a pimp" moments over a cocktail. (BTW, I do carry a flask that either has tequilla or vodka at all times).
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