Thursday, March 11, 2010

Pure Dee Love - No Need to Settle!!

I'm going to have to digress even before I get started. When you think of something in its truest/purest since why do people say "pure d/pure dee" - it's pretty country but you know what I'm saying, right?

ANTYWAY....Because I travel sooo much, I get a lot of time to reflect. And an experience a few weeks ago got me to thinking about love. So let's talk about love - that pure dee kind that makes your skin dance, your tummy tingle, your eyes glimmer. Yes, all that. I was with my friend JackieJones who, if any of you know her, Pure Dee LOVES her Boo and he loves her right back the same way! They were talking (in front of me - I was NOT eavesdropping cuz I was actually kind of in the conversation) and the subject of marriage came up. And he looked at her in her eyes but it was as if he were looking into her soul and said without hesitation with the ease and grace of a man who KNOWS "Boo, I'd marry you tonite!" If you know JackieJones, she plays a real good Betty Badass but she's as soft and mushy as an over ripe peach. And when he said it, I saw her visibly inhale as if she were surprised but excited and equally ready. What's real funny is I got heart palpitations as if he were talking to me. I know he wasn't and I don't want him or nothing silly like that - I just caught up in their moment!

So it got me to thinking about THAT kind of love. I've seen many couples in my 46 years - hell, I've been a member of a couple many times throughout these 46 and have even been a married chick once. That kind of unconditional, genuine, completely accepting, non judgmental love is rare. I see couples who are there "for the children". I see couples who like each other and admittedly don't really have passion but love the companionship. I've seen the gamut - some of which make me think I'd be suicidal if I were in their shoes. I used to work with a girl whose husband worked in the same building and she would literally get nervous and giddy when he came up to the office to see her like they'd just started dating. When he would leave - it was like she was in the afterglow of being in his presence and couldn't wait to see him again when she got home! She is still like that today - and it's been more than 10 years. I won't even get started on how my Lissa LOVES the site of her man and how Monica's stories have me grinning from ear to ear for several days on end! I'm in awe of that. When I see it, it warms my heart.

Having been divorced for nearly 20 years, I've done my share of dating. And there are soooo many stories to tell about it...the man who LOVED cashews and kept tossing them in his mouth during our conversation and chewing them with his mouth open so they spewed forth toward me; then there was the judge who looked like a pimp and told me he'd turn me out; then there was the fella who couldn't say his "V's" and his favorite car was a Volvo ("Yeah Ima get one of those Bolbos one day"); and the stories go on and on.

Fortunately, I'm not looking to get married again - that's just not a necessity for me. And I certainly don't begrudge those who do want that. I don't need a legality to confirm my Pure Dee. We can both be completely euphoric and still have our own homes with keys to the other's home. I just love the utter euphoria of it and that would be more than enough for me. It extends beyond romance and sophomoric glee. During one of my Pure Dee experiences, this man quoted me 1 Corinthians 13:9-10, do you know it? (We talked about that passage being read at so many wedding ceremonies but for him - that was talking about love in a universal sense rather than a romantic couple). It says 'For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away." He explained to me, that for him that meant - what he forecasted for his partner was merely a portion of the perfection that God had sent to him in the form of ME! He had no misconception that I was perfect (I did look at him side-eyed when he said that) but he said that I was perfect and complete FOR HIM. (He went on to assure me that he was complete before we met and I was also complete - none of that you complete me non-sense. Who wants half a person?) I LOVED me some him from that point forward and you KNOW what happened after that discussion. But there I go digressing again. Unfortunately, that didn't work out - I still LOVE me some him and he claims to love him some me...but oh well. But what we had has become a kind of a measuring stick.

Really, isn't that what we all want? Pure Dee in its purest sense and the certainty that comes with it - even if it's temporary. I'm a firm believer in the better to have loved and lost theory vs. never experienced it at all. I love that I have the capacity and ability to extend the kind of love that doesn't stop loving just because it doesn't work. That's the beauty of it. Unselfish, non-judgmental love like that wants nothing but to extend itself - and is typically rewarded with reciprocity. If I was completely unaware of the power of the Pure Dee, I very well might settle for the very nice fella who's a "good man". But I would be bored to death and would probably kill him for something as simple as coming over my house and putting the toilet paper roll on the under and not the over. The murder wouldn't be a result of the toilet paper, it would be a lack of the Pure Dee and the toilet paper would just be the catalyst for his untimely demise.

As I continue to date and meet new people, I'm thrilled to have hilarious dating experiences and even steamy encounters. But if I'm ever to consider a commitment, it's gonna take all the tangibles and intangibles that speak to my soul and make me get as giddy for ME as I was for the JBoos that night. The giddy doesn't go - it remains and is maintained simply by the power of the extension and reciprocity of Pure Dee. I'm encouraged and encourage you not to settle - I'd hate to be on or see you on an episode of Snapped because you settled. You know that show will NEVER go off Oxygen - and 20 years from now, someone will see how you killed him in a fit of rage over him buying mayonnaise and not Miracle Whip (but really, it was just a lack of the Pure Dee!