So I didn't actually LOSE my uterus. I know where it is (or at least who took it and it was taken with my permission) but it's gone never to return to this body. I had no idea it was also going to make me lose my mind (again, not literally lose it but act crazier than the normal KT level of crazy).
Hysterectomies are not new. When I decided to have one I was surprised at the number of friends and family who've had them. As I was getting ready for my surgery I talked to so many of them and everyone had a "story". I found the Hystersisters website and felt like I was totally ready for this. The surgery was WAAAY more complicated than the doctor anticipated. Of course, I'm not surprised...I'm WAAAAY more complicated than the average bear (in a good way) hence my uterus and all things located therein (funky fibroids) would also be complicated. I came out - friends and family waiting - Philly Soul waiting to get a report from CAT - my BELOVED morphine drip...and pretty much all was right in the world.
Let's take a moment of silence out of respect for the morphine drip...that thing is amazing. Fortunately for me that drip is regulated so I couldn't get it as much as I wanted. I just wanted to stay out in front of the pain. I was scared to go to sleep because I didn't want to wake up in pain..who was going to push the button while I was asleep????
Obviously, I survived and went home a few days later, slept off the morphine and started my recovery. Now, my friend Candice told me she followed the doctor's orders to the letter and didn't have one issue. So she was my recovery idol. Being in the house with my Mom there was no option for me to overdo it. So physically I was coming along just fine. But mentally....all I can say is WHAT THE HELL????????????
It's already been established that I'm...well as a few friends put it...crazy as hell. I'd like to think of me as "exotic". So let's take all this exotic-ness and subtract my uterus. There is no easy way to say this...I'm officially coo coo for cocoa puffs. I knew there would be hormonal changes but I was in no way prepared for my combination of uteruslessness and natural exotic-ness....NOT AT ALL.
Exhibit A: I changed my alarm tone that wakes me up and the next morning when it woke me up I had no idea what the noise was, and was so startled, I literally threw myself out of the bed and was wedged on the floor between the wall and my bed...NOT a good look.
Exhibit B: I was putting sriracha sauce on some wonderful dish I'd prepared and looked at the top before I shook it to be sure it was closed and proceeded to shake away. Said top was NOT closed and there was a sriracha explosion on the wall of my kitchen. Then I said to myself, didn't I just look at that top? After the cleanup, I looked and TURNED the top again, and yep you guessed it, it was not closed again and I had a second sriracha explosion. I considered just leaving it on the wall as artwork but realized that would just be nasty.
Exhibit C: I needed something out of my boudoir (it's really my closet room but boudoir sounds so much more fancy). I ran upstairs and then couldn't remember what I was looking for. Instead of shaking my head or even just laughing it off, I started crying. Not those gentle tears where someone would pat me gently and say "are you ok?". No, I cried those falling on the floor laying prostrate before the Lord kind of tears. Now when you realize you're laying on the floor face down crying hysterically and then you STOP..the most humiliating part about that - EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ALONE - is getting up with some kind of dignity and resuming the day's activities. I stood up and then fell on my ottoman crying hysterically because I'd just cried hysterically. WHO DOES THAT???? A woman with that missing lady part, that's who.
I have so many more exhibits that I'd need to start doubling up on my alphabet. But I won't share any more because I don't want it to alter your admiration for me AND because Carolyn and JJ (actually now JD) always complain that my blogs are too long! I'll just say like the old ladies at church say - please pray my strength in the Lord. Also pray I don't need to lose any other lady parts.