Saturday, July 13 could not have been a day of bigger contrasts for me. Many of my KC Delta girls were in town. I started the day with a wonderful run and met my beloved Alane for a hug. I had my maiden voyage with Capital Bikeshare which gave me a whole new high. Then I met up with my other beloveds Candice, Myra, Carla, Debra, Stasi, Marsha (who would not give me that bag) and even Stephanie (all the way from Australia!!!). As I hugged them and headed home I was positively giddy! THEN...I sat down and checked Facebook. The first update I saw was my cousin Reg's that said "Wow. Message sent and received." I said "uh oh." As I continued to scroll down I switched to twitter, saw the outrage and immediately got nauseous. I turned on the tv saw the defense attorney speak for all of two minutes. I was PISSED. Then...I cried. I sobbed. I wailed uncontrollably. I barely slept because I couldn't stop crying.
I didn't watch one second of the trial for the murder of Trayvon Martin. I couldn't. I was talking to my Mom (she watches the news 24/7) who said every time it came on she turned the sound down because she didn't wanna hear it. She never believed he'd be convicted. I didn't wanna believe he'd get off. In my mind, it was pretty simple. He went after the CHILD with a GUN and that CHILD ends up DEAD. How could he NOT be guilty, right? RIGHT????
Sunday morning while I was waiting to board a plane, I called Melissa. In my MIND, I was calling her to check on her because she'd been sick. But I think my HEART needed her. See, Lissa is that person in my life who can make sense out of anything. She's one of the smartest people I KNOW...probably one of the smartest people in the world. She's ALSO a BRILLIANT judge and legal mind. And my HEART needed to hear from that brilliant legal mind but mostly for her to help me reconcile all of this like she does with everything. She gave me all of the legal reasoning and of course she made me aware of so much more. But she was just as unsettled as I was by it all. She could explain HOW it happened - but she couldn't reconcile it, either.
My mind went to the profound words in The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis. It's an EXTRAORDINARY read about Hattie, her husband and their 12 children. Toward the end of the book as Hattie is looking back over her life, the author writes "Hattie believed in God's might but she didn't believe in his interventions. At best, he was indifferent." The first time I read that, I had to put the book down because it jarred me so. I've often asked God why - but these words so succinctly said what I'd actually been too afraid to even think. It's disrespectful, isn't it? While I do believe in God's matchless, unwavering, unconditional love - sometimes it FEELS like he's indifferent and I'd LOVE for him to intervene. I know I know...we'll understand it better by and by but....
Social media is full of people with a range of emotions over Trayvon's murder. People are pissed...and they're hurt. There's so much talk about the perils of being a black man/boy - and I trust and believe that it is perilous. Everybody wants someone to blame. Well you know what I want? Intervention. We've all suffered loss of someone we love. And we all would have liked some kind of intervention. Did the plane with MY friend have to go down? Did cancer have to take these people I love who were so young (and even not so young) yet loved by so many? Did all of those babies in Connecticut have to die? Part of Lissa's explanation was the charges brought by the prosecution. Sounded to me like she basically did a shitty job and didn't really want to prosecute. Then the cocky defense attorney served up their bullshit. And you got a jury of women from the wackass state of Florida. Seems to me the perfect time for an intervention.
But I'm just a woman who loves her child like Tracy and Sybrina loved their son. I simply want love and light to flow and joy to continuously rise and for everything to always be right. And that's just not what life is. I realized these tears that won't stop are for all the interventions I so wished happened that didn't. And it hurts. Bad.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Magnifying Pinatas!!
49 years ago today after my early morning birth Daddy carried me (wrapped in swaddling clothes) up the hill and lifted me to the heavens and "Behold-ed" me and the village bowed....wait, that was Kizzy and Simba. If you know me, you know I LOVE my birthday. I've never been one of those people who stay 25 or 30 or whatever age they think keeps them young because 1) I am grateful for every single day, minute, second the Lord has allowed me to be here and 2) I don't look as old as I am - vanity is not all bad.
I've been in this physical, mental and emotional metamorphosis over the past couple of years. My personal paradigm shift started with my move but then the rest is really me acknowledging life's aha moments and carpe diem-ing the heck out of em. Two things stand out as I start this new calendar and birth year.
First, my sister friend (not to be confused with sister wife) Nadine called me a Life Magnifier (she's Natalie or Nakki to the rest of the world - and nobody else gets to call her Nadine but me...I'm serious...I will fight you, bruh) How. Awesome. Is. That?? I mean really, there are no better words to capture what I do on a daily basis. I don't intentionally walk around creating Classic KT moments, they're instinctive. They happen cause I notice life. I SEE things. Not like dead people - but I see life's happenings and more often than not find the funny in them. And it is my duty to bring it to the attention of the masses or at least those around me. I'm certain that's what WOULD have happened had Daddy taken me up that mountain top and held me up to the stars. "Behold, SEE LIFE" would have been the declaration. I've had some tragic moments. I've suffered some painfully devastating losses that, at the time, didn't seem to be something from which I'd ever recover. Even in those moments there was Nessa patting me on the back saying "Ninja" as she so appropriately does. Those MINOR moments of levity make me step back and "see" the moment for what it is...Life. Then I've seen some ridiculously joyful moments - those times where I've laughed so hard I've pee'd my pants just a little. Or those times that nobody seems to think it's hilarious that the choir director is doing a perfect pirouette in church as he directs the song in his perfectly tailored suit. I mean Misty Copeland would pay homage to that pirouette. (Google her, people). I need folk to SEE and fully appreciate that!
Then there was a sign on Pinterest that I've pinned to one of my boards that says "Life would be a million times better if there were pinatas strategically placed throughout the day". BTW, I have some REALLY funny and prophetic signs on that particular board. But seriously, how totally kickass would it be if you're having a bad day and you could go to the nearest pinata and wack the hell out of it? OR if you were having a day where you were princess of the world and you could go to a nearby pinata and have dark chocolate truffles rain down on your royal gloriousness. (As an aside, I have absolutely no desire to be the Queen. Queens have way too much responsibility - ruling over stuff, making decisions about the castle staff and whatnot, not to mention tending to the King's over inflated ego. I'm just gonna stay the princess and run around the castle kicking it with the help or go into the village and maybe have a dalliance with a commoner.) I'm gonna act like life really does have pinatas. I'm going to vent when necessary. I ain't trying to hold in my frustration and die from a heart attack. But more importantly, I'm gonna celebrate more (if that's possible). I will continue to dress for tea every Sunday when I'm watching Downton Abbey (not DowntoWn). I'm eventually going to stop in the middle of K Street and sing whatever bomb song comes on my ipod. Then carry on. I'm gonna do it. And a whole bunch of other stuff that my spirit prompts me to do - obviously resisting those things that will get me arrested.
We all know life is short...so buy the shoes; eat the cupcake; work up a sweat in a workout that makes you feel so good you can't wait to do it again; listen to REAL music; engage a stranger and point out "Life" that's going on and have him/her giggle about it with you; have groups of friends (like my brilliant M's, my joy-rising Westin girls, all them Delta girls I love, etc.) that encourage you to be all of you; watch football all day (and be not dismayed by the Cowboys); in fact, don't feel guilty at all about watching as much tv as you want; read a phenomenal life-changing/affirming book; go somewhere you've never been...most importantly, learn at least one scripture from the KING JAMES VERSION - bathe in the love of God then live in LOVE. When you're living in love you don't have time to judge, condemn or hate anybody who's views you don't share.
Get your life magnifying glass and go see some stuff and smack the hell out of some pinatas!! This, my friends, is my gift to you on the day of my birth.
I've been in this physical, mental and emotional metamorphosis over the past couple of years. My personal paradigm shift started with my move but then the rest is really me acknowledging life's aha moments and carpe diem-ing the heck out of em. Two things stand out as I start this new calendar and birth year.
First, my sister friend (not to be confused with sister wife) Nadine called me a Life Magnifier (she's Natalie or Nakki to the rest of the world - and nobody else gets to call her Nadine but me...I'm serious...I will fight you, bruh) How. Awesome. Is. That?? I mean really, there are no better words to capture what I do on a daily basis. I don't intentionally walk around creating Classic KT moments, they're instinctive. They happen cause I notice life. I SEE things. Not like dead people - but I see life's happenings and more often than not find the funny in them. And it is my duty to bring it to the attention of the masses or at least those around me. I'm certain that's what WOULD have happened had Daddy taken me up that mountain top and held me up to the stars. "Behold, SEE LIFE" would have been the declaration. I've had some tragic moments. I've suffered some painfully devastating losses that, at the time, didn't seem to be something from which I'd ever recover. Even in those moments there was Nessa patting me on the back saying "Ninja" as she so appropriately does. Those MINOR moments of levity make me step back and "see" the moment for what it is...Life. Then I've seen some ridiculously joyful moments - those times where I've laughed so hard I've pee'd my pants just a little. Or those times that nobody seems to think it's hilarious that the choir director is doing a perfect pirouette in church as he directs the song in his perfectly tailored suit. I mean Misty Copeland would pay homage to that pirouette. (Google her, people). I need folk to SEE and fully appreciate that!
Then there was a sign on Pinterest that I've pinned to one of my boards that says "Life would be a million times better if there were pinatas strategically placed throughout the day". BTW, I have some REALLY funny and prophetic signs on that particular board. But seriously, how totally kickass would it be if you're having a bad day and you could go to the nearest pinata and wack the hell out of it? OR if you were having a day where you were princess of the world and you could go to a nearby pinata and have dark chocolate truffles rain down on your royal gloriousness. (As an aside, I have absolutely no desire to be the Queen. Queens have way too much responsibility - ruling over stuff, making decisions about the castle staff and whatnot, not to mention tending to the King's over inflated ego. I'm just gonna stay the princess and run around the castle kicking it with the help or go into the village and maybe have a dalliance with a commoner.) I'm gonna act like life really does have pinatas. I'm going to vent when necessary. I ain't trying to hold in my frustration and die from a heart attack. But more importantly, I'm gonna celebrate more (if that's possible). I will continue to dress for tea every Sunday when I'm watching Downton Abbey (not DowntoWn). I'm eventually going to stop in the middle of K Street and sing whatever bomb song comes on my ipod. Then carry on. I'm gonna do it. And a whole bunch of other stuff that my spirit prompts me to do - obviously resisting those things that will get me arrested.
We all know life is short...so buy the shoes; eat the cupcake; work up a sweat in a workout that makes you feel so good you can't wait to do it again; listen to REAL music; engage a stranger and point out "Life" that's going on and have him/her giggle about it with you; have groups of friends (like my brilliant M's, my joy-rising Westin girls, all them Delta girls I love, etc.) that encourage you to be all of you; watch football all day (and be not dismayed by the Cowboys); in fact, don't feel guilty at all about watching as much tv as you want; read a phenomenal life-changing/affirming book; go somewhere you've never been...most importantly, learn at least one scripture from the KING JAMES VERSION - bathe in the love of God then live in LOVE. When you're living in love you don't have time to judge, condemn or hate anybody who's views you don't share.
Get your life magnifying glass and go see some stuff and smack the hell out of some pinatas!! This, my friends, is my gift to you on the day of my birth.
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