Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Lost My Uterus...and Lost My Mind

So I didn't actually LOSE my uterus.  I know where it is (or at least who took it and it was taken with my permission) but it's gone never to return to this body.  I had no idea it was also going to make me lose my mind (again, not literally lose it but act crazier than the normal KT level of crazy).

Hysterectomies are not new.  When I decided to have one I was surprised at the number of friends and family who've had them.  As I was getting ready for my surgery I talked to so many of them and everyone had a "story". I found the Hystersisters website and felt like I was totally ready for this.  The surgery was WAAAY more complicated than the doctor anticipated.  Of course, I'm not surprised...I'm WAAAAY more complicated than the average bear (in a good way) hence my uterus and all things located therein (funky fibroids) would also be complicated.   I came out - friends and family waiting - Philly Soul waiting to get a report from CAT - my BELOVED morphine drip...and pretty much all was right in the world.

Let's take a moment of silence out of respect for the morphine drip...that thing is amazing.  Fortunately for me that drip is regulated so I couldn't get it as much as I wanted.  I just wanted to stay out in front of the pain.  I was scared to go to sleep because I didn't want to wake up in pain..who was going to push the button while I was asleep????

Obviously, I survived and went home a few days later, slept off the morphine and started my recovery.  Now, my friend Candice told me she followed the doctor's orders to the letter and didn't have one issue.  So she was my recovery idol. Being in the house with my Mom there was no option for me to overdo it.  So physically I was coming along just fine.  But mentally....all I can say is WHAT THE HELL????????????

It's already been established that I'm...well as a few friends put it...crazy as hell.  I'd like to think of me as "exotic". So let's take all this exotic-ness and subtract my uterus.  There is no easy way to say this...I'm officially coo coo for cocoa puffs.  I knew there would be hormonal changes but I was in no way prepared for my combination of uteruslessness and natural exotic-ness....NOT AT ALL.

Exhibit A:  I changed my alarm tone that wakes me up and the next morning when it woke me up I had no idea what the noise was, and was so startled, I literally threw myself out of the bed and was wedged on the floor between the wall and my bed...NOT a good look.

Exhibit B: I was putting sriracha sauce on some wonderful dish I'd prepared and looked at the top before I shook it to be sure it was closed and proceeded to shake away.  Said top was NOT closed and there was a sriracha explosion on the wall of my kitchen.  Then I said to myself, didn't I just look at that top? After the cleanup, I looked and TURNED the top again, and yep you guessed it, it was not closed again and I had a second sriracha explosion.  I considered just leaving it on the wall as artwork but realized that would just be nasty.

Exhibit C:  I needed something out of my boudoir (it's really my closet room but boudoir sounds so much more fancy). I ran upstairs and then couldn't remember what I was looking for. Instead of shaking my head or even just laughing it off, I started crying.  Not those gentle tears where someone would pat me gently and say "are you ok?".  No, I cried those falling on the floor laying prostrate before the Lord kind of tears.  Now when you realize you're laying on the floor face down crying hysterically and then you STOP..the most humiliating part about that - EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ALONE - is getting up with some kind of dignity and resuming the day's activities.  I stood up and then fell on my ottoman crying hysterically because I'd just cried  hysterically.  WHO DOES THAT????  A woman with that missing lady part, that's who.

I have so many more exhibits that I'd need to start doubling up on my alphabet. But I won't share any more because I don't want it to alter your admiration for me AND because Carolyn and JJ (actually now JD) always complain that my blogs are too long!  I'll just say like the old ladies at church say - please pray my strength in the Lord.   Also pray I don't need to lose any other lady parts.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Ahhhh....The Beginning

I'm not even going to get into how long it's been since I've done a post so....let just get into it.

So you're walking down the corridor and you spot him and he spots you and you think to yourself "Hmm, he's kinda cute."  But you remind yourself to get closer before you make a final determination on his cuteness because of that one time you met a dude at the club and you thought HE was cute, too.  You agree to meet the next day for coffee.  You get there first and are sitting by the window waiting for Mr. Cute and you get distracted giggling at this fool trying to parallel park this big ole deuce and a quarter.  He finally gets it parked and gets out with a velvet shirt and a soul patch and comes into the coffee shop and waves at YOU!  What you THOUGHT was cute was actually a nightmare of an individual that couldn't get enough cashews.  You remind yourself to never trust your eyes.

Anyhoo....This current cutie gets closer, and you realize he really IS cute. You do everything to try and calm yourself as he starts walking toward you  You exchange greetings and chat for a bit, exchange numbers and agree to connect. He calls you the next day (because you're certain he doesn't want to seem too anxious and call you the same day) and you have amazing conversation for over an hour.  The daily conversations get better and you can't BELIEVE this great guy is saying all the right things and he seems to be as into you as you are into him. begins.

All that ridiculously crazy, tingly excitement that comes over you - THE BEGINNING.   Suddenly, you're playing the playlist on your Ipod that has the most love songs.  You're humming songs that have "la la" in the lyrics.  You pull out your Love Jones DVD and watch it twice in a row. You DIE every time he says "Babe" cause he says it just right.  You nearly have a heart attack when the phone rings and it's him because you were JUST thinking about him and hoping he would call.  You start thinking of the ringtone he's going to get on your phone - but promise to wait at least two weeks before doing so.  You have to work at not talking about him ALL THE TIME to your friends so they won't be sick of him before they meet him.  You just want to find a field of flowers and freaking skip through it!

Who doesn't love the beginning? I love seeing those couples who have the "beginning" throughout the course of their relationships.  I have lots of friends who do that and I get really excited for them (even if I sometimes want to throw up in my mouth about how sickeningly in love they are). Don't you love those couples that can have an intimate moment in a crowded room of people - to the point where you almost feel like you're invading their privacy?  That there - that started in the beginning and has just carried on. Conversely, I feel sad for those couples who have no beginning happening and look like "Why does he/she keep coming home?"  Do they remember their beginning?  Did they even have a "beginning" or was their relationship some kind of business arrangement?

I am here to declare - I REFUSE to have a relationship that doesn't maintain some beginning in it.  Who wouldn't want - at worst an  itty bitty bit, or at best a whole heapin lot of that beginning throughout? For those negative Nancys who say it's not possible - I say HOGWASH...AND HOCKEY PUCKS and sentence you to a life of sensible shoes!

I and the the rest of us Beginning Believers are gonna be out here having us some beginnings, looking for a field of flowers (or strawberries, perhaps) for skipping, gaiety and all around merriment!  Off we go...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Year is Young...As Am I!!!

I LOVE that my birthday is the first month of the year.  It's kind of like the rest of the world gets to start anew along with me (except for the Chinese - when is their new year - how does that exactly work for them?).  Gosh, I started digressing within the first sentence...but that's how my mind works.  It's all over the place up there.  AnThow...had a glorious holiday season, right up there with Mary, Joseph, Jesus and 'nem.  I hadn't hung out with my Mama that much in ages and it was cool to just be in her presence and be utterly amused by HER musings!

I had so many revelations on that nearly 3 week trip to KC (won't be doing THAT again - WAAAAY too long to be away from MY space and my bed.

1)  I don't live in KC any more.  I'm not just visiting DC - this is where I new new sacred space.  Yep, that's me all right up in this District.  As soon as I got home, I started rearranging furniture.  I just MIGHT make my deadline of having every box unpacked by March 31st!!

2)  My daughter is 21.  I have raised her.  She is grown!  I'm now just an advisor (and ATM). That girl that used to love rocks and pens and watermelo (she never could get meloN) and bawling eggs (boiling) and playing in her tent and Reading Reptile and her Granny's house is now a grown woman who can order a cocktail!  Mazel tov Girldaughter and bring Mama a shot of tequila!

3)  On January 8 I turned 47.  FORTY SEVEN YEARS OLD.  I am now closer to 50 than 40.  In my 40's, yes - but LATE 40's. I feel like I've been saying 47 a lot more than I EVER said 46.  I really don't mind aging because it means I'm still here and frankly I have no choice!  Age or die.  I'll take aging.  But then I had a moment where I was asking myself all those silly questions about am I where I imagined I'd be blah blah blah.  Really KT?  You are where you are - LOVE IT - LIVE IT - LAUGH AT IT (especially laugh at it cause funny stupid ish happens to you every single day).  That passed and I skipped on about my business.

4) Which brings me to my resolutions. 
  • I am going to skip a WHOLE lot more.  Besides being fun - it's gotta be good for my heart rate, right?
  • I am going to make up great songs in the shower in the morning.  How can I possibly get mad at a day or have a bad day when I have an original hit on my heart.
That's all. I'm gonna skip and I'm gonna sing!  That really should lead to a lot more fun stuff.  Of course, I hope the skipping doesn't lead to the emergency room but I'll be careful.