When I started the blog, I thought it would be funny to share some of the utterly ridiculous thoughts that go on inside my head. I was prepared to regularly share anecdotes of the absurd things I do and think and you'd get a look inside this dome. For some reason, I got so far inside my head about blogging that it didn't end up on paper, or more literally, on this screen. I'm back now and Classic KT - Part Deux has arrived. Let's go.
I am fascinated with quite a few things - like really tall people (which from my 5'3" vantage point can be a great deal of the population); blind people out walking alone, and people who are missing a limb or limbs. When I say fascinated I mean, I become my 5 year old inquisitive self who can't stop staring. I've created some incredibly uncomfortable situations where I've been caught staring AND even worse, mute - mouth agape. I'm typically able to close my mouth successfully BEFORE I drool, but that's not guaranteed. Like that one time, I saw a guy with NO arms but he had on a backpack. I'm going to be transparent and admit I followed him through the metro station for a bit. That backpack did not slip AT. ALL. I was spellbound.
Anyhoo...a few weeks ago I was traveling and I was in the hotel gym on the treadmill. This lovely young lady walked in with one full arm and one half arm. I couldn't stop staring. (I'll stop here and admit that because of my fascination with missing limbs, I often think someone is missing an arm but typically their arms are just folded.) After staring and confirming that she was in fact missing a portion of her arm, my FIRST thought was "Wow, she's carrying her water bottle AND towel in the little arm and the full arm is just swinging along without a care in the world. Whyyyyy wouldn't she put her belongings in the full arm?" I concluded that she was letting these streets know that despite the appearance of a disability, she is maximizing the limited capability of that arm and she's JUST. FINE. (Clearly, she's not concerned with the streets - that's just me talking.) So I went from staring at her with some pity, to an inquiring mind wanting to know her story, then finally admiration like "YAAASSS, Girl!" This all happened in a matter of 60 seconds (and yes, I did stumble on the treadmill - but I didn't fall....or drool.)
FORTUNATELY, I had more thoughts after that because, you know.....I'm deep. I thought about aspects of my life where I have limited capability...areas of my life where I could be stronger and what I do (or don't do) to maximize my usage. (Yes, I actually made that leap in my head. I told you - the most bizarre things happen up there.) Brene Brown says if you need to learn patience you WILL end up in the longest lines at the grocery store. Meaning, whatever you need to learn you'll continue to be challenged in that area until you actually perfect it. Patience actually used to be one of my crosses that I LABORIOUSLY bore, but I'm chill now. So much so, I look back and wonder why I was in such a hurry. I'm wondering what goodness I might have missed rushing and flitting about.
Take a moment for a patience praise break...ain't he alright??!!
Won't. He. Do. It.
So now is as good a time as any to take on another cross I bear. I'm gonna tackle vulnerability - for real this time. I do not willingly exercise my vulnerability muscle. I'm a certified Betty Badass. So vulnerability ain't my thing. I ain't bout that vulnerable life. I've tried it. I'm extremely uncomfortable with it even though I've seen decent results. But it's not my go to space.
Not good at it. Don't like it.
Wish I could banish it to the pit of hell.
But word on the street is there is legitimate value in it when practiced consistently.
That it could indeed be good for me. Transformational, even.
(Note: the streets are ALWAYS talking.)
Well... there you have it. Vulnerability is my short arm and I'm gonna commit myself to using it.
Wish me godspeed.